feeling so helpless!!!

My youngest sister just skyped me..asking me whether she can take more painkillers for her toothache. She had surgery about a week ago to take out two wisdom teeth and now the stitches are painful and her gums are not in good condition and she can't sleep. She has an exam tomorrow and it is already 2 am in the morning. Here I am thousand and thousand miles away and skyping with her and wishing that I am there to take care of her. asked her to take panadol but there was no more panadol at home. I feel so helpless that I can't do anything about it. I don't really know how she feels but I just hope that she is okay. After our mom passed away and I left, she is staying with my brother. He is going a good job taking care of her, I know that but I just wish I can be there. She is alone, no dad, no mom and she looks so helpless. I know she might be much much stronger than I think she is and even much stronger than me. But as for know, I just want to be there for her. Ya Allah, please protect my baby sister. Please give her the strength. Amin.

Long time no write...

Wow..been a few months since my last blog...hmmm..let me think of some excuses..the kids are having their summer break, so was busy bringing them out to keep them occupied, couldn't afford the summer camp over here, kalau tak dah lama hantar. So brought them to the museums (the interesting ones only..), parks, funfairs, beaches and all those places which were packed with tourists during this hot, blazing hot summer. It was really hot..hotter than Malaysia, at times. Did avoid those really hot days with the heatwave warning. Chose to stay home instead, watching movies and catching up with their reading and math..which was not an easy task...suruh jer buat kerja, sakit perut la, letih la..kalau mengadap tv or computer, sihat jer...:)). Now since it is fasting month, decided to stay home most of the time. With the heat and the longer hours of fasting (around 4.30 am to 8 pm), don't think the kids would want to continue fasting if we were to go out.

Now, as I am typing this, our windows are being cleaned by our doorman who is looking for some extra money. Nak raya kan, rumah kena la extra bersih sikit...takling about raya, still not sure of what to cook for raya. Plus honestly speaking, I am in no mood to "beraya". Really want to go back to Malaysia for raya but it's too far and too soon plus too expensive. Plus it will be the first time raya without my mom around, so it will be hard for me and for my family. But as my brother puts it..we have to move on and some things we have to do it the hard and difficult way.

Last Friday, my son ran into a wall and got a HUGE, DEEP cut on his left eyebrow. We were having iftar at hubby's office and he was playing with a few friends. Rushed him to the ER and got ten stitches!! He was bleeding quite badly, blood on his shirt, blood on his pants and blood on his stomach..it was not a pretty sight. On the way to the hospital, while crying, he was asking me whether I would forgive him for not being a good boy...Oh, dear..it was heart-wrenching to see my son in that condition...now he is recovering, the swelling has subside but the stitches would take a few more days before dissolving or falling off or something like that...Guess he would have to raya with a scar on his eyebrow.

Ok, that's all for now..actually am forcing myself to type this, no mood to blog but no excuses..write away!!!!

the other woman...

A few years ago, my uncle married another woman after being married to his first wife for more than thirty years and the woman that he married already have six kids from her previous marriage!!!! Everybody was (and some still is) mad at him for doing that to his wife. His wife is a petite, quiet and timid woman that never raise her voice to anyone. One of the reasons given by my uncle when asked why did he do it was that he was not getting enough attention anymore from his wife who was busy taking care of their first grandchild. Is that a valid reason or a lame one? Did he get enough attention from the woman that has six kids? My uncle now basically abandon his first wife and neglect his duties towards her. He doesn't even bother to divorce her. She is left hanging. Luckily, her kids are around to support her. Recently, their youngest daughter got married and he wanted to be there, so there was a bit of chaos and hostility and his wife stayed in the room until he left the ceremony. It was supposed to be one of the happiest moments for the newlyweds but something like this had ruined their day.

People would say it is noble to forgive and forget but how can someone forgive and forget something like this? His wife is traumatised for being left "just like that" and now even scared (or is it more of hatred?) of seeing my uncle's shadow. She tries to carry on with her life but I must think it is so hard for her to go through life knowing that her husband is somewhere else, in another home, with another woman. What about their kids? No doubt they are all grown up and have their own family, but the fact that your dad is with his "other" kids, that must be hard. I am now sure which one is harder to swallow, losing your dad like that or losing your dad to a heart attack? My siblings and I lost our dad suddenly to a heart attack, 17 years ago. It was so sudden that we didn't have the chance to say goodbye. We still miss him but we know that he is no longer here but will always be in our heart. On the other hand, for our cousins, their dad is alive but is he in their hearts?

Life is full of challenges, so take charge!!!!!

leave my children alone...

This morning in the papers, one mother declared this saturday to be "Independence Play" day where you are supposed to leave your kids in the park and let them be socially independent for the day. Nope, we can not be somewhere nearby spying on our kids to make sure they are okay. We are supposed to teach them the art of survival by letting them roam free in the park. Are you CRAZY, woman?????!!!??? and the age that she suggests we start this "independence training" is around 7 or 8 years old. Once again, are you CRAZY, woman???!!!!??? With all the cases of kids being snatched away by people and not being found until today, what in the world are you thinking? Actually last year she put her 9-year-old son on the subway ALONE and asked him to find his own way home. Luckily he got home safely. Yer la, kalau tak sampai, I doubt she would carry on with this crazy and so so so stupid thing.

Normally, I would stopped myself at judging people but boy, do I judge this lady. She says the goal is to "teach youngsters independence and social skills - within limits". I mean you still can teach your kids to be independent and to be social with other kids without leaving them alone in the park or whatever place your kids are at. There are a lot of pedophiles out there that have so many ways of luring kids to follow them and 7 or 8 or even 9-year-old kids are not wise enough to be on their own while all these sickos are everywhere. Seriously, this woman need someone to put some sense into her head. She is saying that you can just "drop your kids off alone and the park and hope for the best" Hope for the best???? You are like playing with your kid's life by trying your luck!!!! It is like you're saying "If he is okay, then okay, if not..don't worry..I can get another kid" Hello..we are not talking about a puppy or a cat here!!!! Gosh..I am so furious right now. Ok, the papers have set up a voting poll to see if we think this is a good idea. Well, I know which way I am going to vote...

The world is full of ideas..including the stupid ones!!!

in cooking mode

This week I am in my unusual, very unusual cooking mode. By that, I mean I am being so interested in trying to cook something new. Last Tuesday, for the first time in my life and in ten years of married life, I attempted to make beef lasagna. My daughter was whining that she wanted lasagna and we tried one from a Mediterranean shop but it wasn't good. So I tried and didn't fully succeeded. Well, the taste was good but it turned out to be to "wet". Maybe I used too much sauce or maybe because I covered it during baking. But anyhow, my kids were happy and my hubby said it's okay. Not truly happy but then again, for a first attempt, I would have to say it is pretty darned good. Next project was baked chicken with mushroom sauce and roasted potatoes. For some people that would be a walk in the park. But for me, it was indeed a big deal. Checked quite a few recipes and a few more until I got confused about which recipe to use! By the end of the day, the chicken was okay, a bit over baked but the potatoes turned out great!!! There are a few more on my "have to try to cook this" list but it all depends on my cooking mode which doesn't come by ever so often.

What's for dinner?

Mother's day...

Had a wonderful mother's day yesterday. Woken up by hubby and kids barging into the room, shouting mother's day..yep..woke up late yesterday..mother's day what!! kasi can la..anyway, my son was complaining that mommy's mouth stinks (whose doesn't in the morning? All the stories which show people waking up in the morning and kissing each other is total bulls**t..heheh). I got a really cute picture frame and a few cards, even got one from hubby (that's a first!). Then hubby made breakfast (well, weekends are always his cooking anyway) and then went out for lunch and watched Iron Man 2. As usual, my son didn't want to go and was making a big fuss about wanting to stay home during weekends and relaxing. I had a slow talk with him and said I really wanted to spend this day with my family and by that I mean, watching Iron Man..:)). So we went and he did enjoy it!!!

Happy as I was yesterday, it was a bittersweet day actually. This is the first year that I couldn't wish my mom happy mother's day and only God knows how much I miss her. The hard part is that whenever I think of her, I think of all the suffering that she went through and wish that she didn't have to go through all those things. For me, my mom had a hard life and just when I thought things were getting better for her, she was hit with the cancer episode. But God knows what is the best for us and whom am I to decide what is good and what is bad and what is unfair? I can just hope and pray that she is in a better place now. I really miss you, Ibu, I really do and I love you..Happy Mother's Day...

friendly people..

Today, I met a few friendly people. I was waiting in line at the post office and this lady who was behind me started talking about the weather (that is always the opening line) and we just hit it off. I mean it was a short conversation but it was really nice talking to her. Plus she gave me tips where to find designer clothes at a fraction of the price. Yeay!!! She told me that she heard a Malaysian singer at a jazz bar in town and she was good. Too bad she didn't remember her name. And we talked about going to the gym. Well, she talked about going to gym and she goes EVERYDAY!!! As for me, nada!!! I just do it at home. I find it intimidating to go to the gym, takut orang tengok la, malu la. Perasan jer, padahal no one cares really..anyway, I just do my pilates at home.... Anyway, back to the nice lady, she is a freelance art director. Not really sure how that works, but it sounds interesting. After saying good bye to her, got my stamps (chit-chatted with the lady at the stamps counter for a bit, she's friendly too) , I went to do some groceries and this nice man working there asked me how was my day. And I sort of blurted out that I was feeling tired because last night I didn't have enough sleep. I think he asked me out of courtesy, but when I told him that, he seemed really concerned and wished me well and hoped I can get a good rest tonight. Somehow it made me feel good. I guess meeting friendly people is good for your health and what is even healthier is that we can be friendly ourselves. But that comes with some consequences as not everybody is friendly, so sometimes we would end up being like a fool if orang tak layan our friendliness..but there is no harm trying.

Smiles make the world go round...