Housewife

Housewife

Housewife...how i loathe that word yet i am one..by choice?..not really...had to quit my job coz following my hubby who got posted overseas..well, i could have stayed here and him being over there, but being old school i guess, family comes first. For me, a family needs to stay together..i do know few friends who live separately from their spouse and some didn't have any problems with that, but not me..i would be feeling guilty, having the kids apart from their dad. Anyway, being a housewife really bugs me, yep, even though it has been nearly ten years. My friends who are working do envy me having leisure time, not worrying about work and being yelled at by the boss. Well, there are two sides to a coin so there are some cons that come with being a housewife. Financial dependency on your hubby is one, which was a bit difficult for me, and still is, as I was financially dependent during my single days, having scholarship during my students days and have had worked for a few years. And for me, I feel by being a housewife, I am not really using my brain..the only writing I do is the groceries list..well, actually now that my kids have gone to school, I do a bit of writing in the communication book to their teachers but that's about it. That's why now I am starting my blog,at least I can get my brain going again and also get a few things off my chest.

Some people think that it's good that the mothers stay at home and take care of their kids coz then the children's upbringing is better than being left with the maid. But being cooped up at home and having to do all the housework and not being able to do things for yourself without feeling guilty, does take a toll on you and the anger and frustration would be let out on the kids by yelling at them for no good reason. So that's a catch 22 situation there, isn't it? Patience is really important and I am still working on it.

Why do moms worry all the time?

Why do moms worry all the time?

My little girl started to go to the big school. And she is really excited about it and had no problem in adjusting..very well I must say..on the first day, she didn't even cry. and i didn't have to wait but i did, at least until snack time..worry if she wouldn't eat her snack and would go hungry. She was so excited that she had only a few spoons of cereal for breakfast. Before leaving, I think I told her a thousand times to eat her lunch, not to play on the monkey bars, drink her water, listen to the teacher..bla..bla..bla....if I were her, I would scream "I know!!!!!" . But not her, she just nodded her head like the toy with the bouncing head..whatcammacalit again?

At home, I was praying that she eats her lunch. And decided to go extra early to fetch her...waited and waited and worrying if she is okay. The bell rang and out they came from the class. She was beaming and ran towards me. I hugged her and boy, do I miss her even though it was only for six hours. Was so glad that she was okay. On the way home, she was telling me about what she did in school, her new teacher and friends. When I asked her whether she had her lunch.."Just s little bit Mommy coz I have to go and play"...and she finished her lunch in the car. She did okay for the first day..I didn't have to worry after all but guess that what moms do..ALL THE TIME....

This morning, as I was waiting for my kids to get into their classrooms, two moms came over with theirs kids. One girl, named, Natasha, is a very cheerful and sweet girl, immediately greeted my daughter, her classmate, good morning. She is always happy and smiling. And another girl, named, Zara, was complaining about something to her mom, with a unhappy face. The thing is this doesn't happen only today. Almost every morning, the scenario is the same. From my observation (yep...I kill time by analyzing people..it's fun some time)..Natasha's mom is the very cheerful type while Zara's mom is always frowning..I guess the kids pick up the mood from their mothers...or in general, their surroundings...I think it is important to have a positive vibe around your kids, they have this sixth sense if anything is wrong. Sometimes, when I had fights with my hubby, my kids would sense something and immediately they would behave extra nice because they know mommy was not in a good mood...It is not easy sometimes to be positive ALL the time but as parents, it is our responsibility...and someone told me that NEVER fight in front of the kids. So as I was boiling inside, wanting to scream at my husband, I just have to put on a smiling face in front of the kids and be patient..good practice actually to keep yourself calm. Who said being a parent is easy..it's a huge responsibility but it's also an even bigger joy!!!!!

A few more days to go..

Hubby has been away for more than two weeks now...balik Malaysia ok??? Jealous to the max when he told me that he was going back home to attend the PTK course and sit for the exam..ok, of course not jealous about the course and the exams' part..but the part that boleh balik jumpa family and eat all those glorious Malaysian food!!!!! Well, Insya Allah, he'll be coming back in a few days' time. The kids are counting the days, mommy too..plus the things he'll be bringing home. But can't kirim all the KFC and McD and what not..wouldn't last the loooonnnnggg flight to come back here.

Being a "single mom" for almost a month was not easy..I couldn't imagine how my mom did it back then when my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack and she was left to take care of the five of us. My younger sisters were only 5 and 3 years old at that time. My mother suddenly had to take care of everything, the household, the kids, paying the bills..she was such a strong woman..she is my inspiration!!!!!

Ibu..I love you and miss you!!!!!

feeling so helpless!!!

My youngest sister just skyped me..asking me whether she can take more painkillers for her toothache. She had surgery about a week ago to take out two wisdom teeth and now the stitches are painful and her gums are not in good condition and she can't sleep. She has an exam tomorrow and it is already 2 am in the morning. Here I am thousand and thousand miles away and skyping with her and wishing that I am there to take care of her. asked her to take panadol but there was no more panadol at home. I feel so helpless that I can't do anything about it. I don't really know how she feels but I just hope that she is okay. After our mom passed away and I left, she is staying with my brother. He is going a good job taking care of her, I know that but I just wish I can be there. She is alone, no dad, no mom and she looks so helpless. I know she might be much much stronger than I think she is and even much stronger than me. But as for know, I just want to be there for her. Ya Allah, please protect my baby sister. Please give her the strength. Amin.

Long time no write...

Wow..been a few months since my last blog...hmmm..let me think of some excuses..the kids are having their summer break, so was busy bringing them out to keep them occupied, couldn't afford the summer camp over here, kalau tak dah lama hantar. So brought them to the museums (the interesting ones only..), parks, funfairs, beaches and all those places which were packed with tourists during this hot, blazing hot summer. It was really hot..hotter than Malaysia, at times. Did avoid those really hot days with the heatwave warning. Chose to stay home instead, watching movies and catching up with their reading and math..which was not an easy task...suruh jer buat kerja, sakit perut la, letih la..kalau mengadap tv or computer, sihat jer...:)). Now since it is fasting month, decided to stay home most of the time. With the heat and the longer hours of fasting (around 4.30 am to 8 pm), don't think the kids would want to continue fasting if we were to go out.

Now, as I am typing this, our windows are being cleaned by our doorman who is looking for some extra money. Nak raya kan, rumah kena la extra bersih sikit...takling about raya, still not sure of what to cook for raya. Plus honestly speaking, I am in no mood to "beraya". Really want to go back to Malaysia for raya but it's too far and too soon plus too expensive. Plus it will be the first time raya without my mom around, so it will be hard for me and for my family. But as my brother puts it..we have to move on and some things we have to do it the hard and difficult way.

Last Friday, my son ran into a wall and got a HUGE, DEEP cut on his left eyebrow. We were having iftar at hubby's office and he was playing with a few friends. Rushed him to the ER and got ten stitches!! He was bleeding quite badly, blood on his shirt, blood on his pants and blood on his stomach..it was not a pretty sight. On the way to the hospital, while crying, he was asking me whether I would forgive him for not being a good boy...Oh, dear..it was heart-wrenching to see my son in that condition...now he is recovering, the swelling has subside but the stitches would take a few more days before dissolving or falling off or something like that...Guess he would have to raya with a scar on his eyebrow.

Ok, that's all for now..actually am forcing myself to type this, no mood to blog but no excuses..write away!!!!

the other woman...

A few years ago, my uncle married another woman after being married to his first wife for more than thirty years and the woman that he married already have six kids from her previous marriage!!!! Everybody was (and some still is) mad at him for doing that to his wife. His wife is a petite, quiet and timid woman that never raise her voice to anyone. One of the reasons given by my uncle when asked why did he do it was that he was not getting enough attention anymore from his wife who was busy taking care of their first grandchild. Is that a valid reason or a lame one? Did he get enough attention from the woman that has six kids? My uncle now basically abandon his first wife and neglect his duties towards her. He doesn't even bother to divorce her. She is left hanging. Luckily, her kids are around to support her. Recently, their youngest daughter got married and he wanted to be there, so there was a bit of chaos and hostility and his wife stayed in the room until he left the ceremony. It was supposed to be one of the happiest moments for the newlyweds but something like this had ruined their day.

People would say it is noble to forgive and forget but how can someone forgive and forget something like this? His wife is traumatised for being left "just like that" and now even scared (or is it more of hatred?) of seeing my uncle's shadow. She tries to carry on with her life but I must think it is so hard for her to go through life knowing that her husband is somewhere else, in another home, with another woman. What about their kids? No doubt they are all grown up and have their own family, but the fact that your dad is with his "other" kids, that must be hard. I am now sure which one is harder to swallow, losing your dad like that or losing your dad to a heart attack? My siblings and I lost our dad suddenly to a heart attack, 17 years ago. It was so sudden that we didn't have the chance to say goodbye. We still miss him but we know that he is no longer here but will always be in our heart. On the other hand, for our cousins, their dad is alive but is he in their hearts?

Life is full of challenges, so take charge!!!!!