To work or to stay home?

Today, saw on tv an article about why women still cant have it all..that is have a career and still have quality time to spend with family..it is like women still have to choose between family or career. Read the article and the author said she used to be on the side where she felt superior to stay-at-home moms as she had a very high-flying career. But then she realized that her children were becoming rebels and she missed a lot of their milestones. So, if you are a SAHM, are you the lucky one? Well, from my experience, it has its pros and cons. And i dont want to elaborate it here because i have done it a few times and i am still questioning whether i am making the right choice. And i think doesn't matter which side you are on, you would always question and wonder whether the grass is greener on the other side. 

Today's weather reminds me of Malaysia

The day started with fog and then drizzle and then pouring rain with thunder..and here I am at home, feeling like being in Malaysia, with my coffee, the only thing missing is the local Malaysian drama or news on TV3 or astro..sorry RTM tak tengok, for me it is stuck in the 70s..heheh..boleh ke cakap macam tu? Anyway, sister inlaw coming next week with my niece yang I tak pernah jumpa lagi since she was born two years ago..she is my first niece..mommy going to spoil you so much..ice creams, and dresses and all the cute things we can find in NYC...and then Insya Allah, in August going back for raya and my sister's wedding...hm... something that I really look forward to but at the same time, I am scared and sad..scared because I have this huge responsibilty to be the "mak pengantin" and to spearhead the whole thing, of course my brothers and aunts and uncles going to be helping but I still feel the pressurein making sure everything would go smoothly. even though it is going to be just a simple akad nikah and kenduri, the wprry is still there. and the sad part is that I am not going to see my mom waiting for me at our home or at the airport and I am afraid I am going to break down and cry once we reach home and seeing that it is dark and empty. I miss the times with my mom that I always ahve looked forward to every time I wnet home, she would picked me up at the airport then the next day, we would have breakfast and chat and chat about anything and everything under the sun, then we would hit the shops then buy nasi sumatera for lunch, then went back home. after a short nap in the afternon (for my late mom, her afternoon nap was a must..even if only for ten minutes, it was her way of recharging herself) we would have tea, either the delicious pisang goreng bought at this makcik's stall or my mom's yummy and soft pancake. actually we would have coffee, not tea...and then, after asar, we would go out again, either to shops again or visit our relatives..then at night, after dinner we would watch TV then she would have her milo before calling it a day..How I miss those simple yet wonderful times with Ibu..

Bidan terjun

Today started off with a very rushed morning, last minute 'work' to be done at 8 am in the morning, so had to send DD earlier than usual to school, the abang was away at camp( just for one night but mommy missing him like crazy already). Then a friend couldn't make it to a charity event, first pregnancy for her, having a very bad morning sickness so I had to be the bidan terjun to cukupkan korum. So after the "work", had to rush home, in baju kurung in NYC, tukar baju, and off I went to the event..mak aii..laparnyer, pagi tak sempat breakfast, and plus the fact that I just started a new ambitious routine of drinking warm lemon water in the morning instead of coffee.. ( will see how long this one will last!), so tummy was rumbling...and since nak glamour, pakai ler heels 4 inches..memang asking for trouble la kan? Jalan dah macam mak itik..got home, waited for SD to come back from his first ever camping trip, picked him up form school and off we went to get DD from a birthday party( si kecik ni social life mengalahkan mak dia, bday party la, playdate la).. And luckily I was in the right state of mind not to wear my heels doing all this walking..but even with only two hours of wearing those heels, I am paying the price now. I wonder how some people can wear heels all day long and doesn't look like a duck waddling? The kids are watching star wars episode IV.. SD after balik from universal, developed this interest in star wars, so now lego pun star wars, buku pun star wars and now nak tengok movie pulak, mommy is okay with it, I can watch harrison ford anytime, anywhere, again and again.. :))

still clueless

Was looking at some writing contests but somehow i don't have the courage to enter and at the same time, my lack of motivation is a big hurdle...i wish that God can show me what i am supposed to do, am i supposed to be writing, working or doing something else..i can't be content with just being a stay at home mom right? Or can I? Coz in my mind, a stay at home mom is not cool or great enough but actually the problem with me is that i don't have a talent or skill like baking, cooking, knitting( well, truthfully do know how to knit , at least the basic but can't find the drive to continue plus dont see the point.. That is another problem of mine, not seeing the point of doing certain things especially if it doesn't give immediate results) and now back to the list if talents that I don't have..decorating, design and so on and so forth.. side point : now using the wireless mac keyboard hubby gave me for mother's day so maybe that will give me the much needed push to wtite more, because..here comes another excuse..typing on the ipad keyboard is a bit difficult..but actually it is true, i feel more comfortable typing now, plus maybe the fact that i am now sitting on a chair and not slumped in front of the tv with the ipad on my lap. ok, back to what i want to do with my life..saw that a cousin is now working with the perdana global peace foundation..i think that is something that i might be interested in being involved but have to be more abreast with the the world issues la kan? so have to cut down all the series that I like to watch..luckily DH dah abih so that is off the list..now al jazeera is on, so that is a good start i guess. watching the crisis in africa is down right sad and i feel bad for what is happening over there and here I am sometimes envying people that can afford LV handbags..pffttt..talk about being shallow.. another side point..accidentally press a button and out came a song from my ipod..wow! i am happy with this keyboard!!!

Back pain

Hurt my back a few days ago, was wiping the dresser and boom! it went, the searing pain on my back and later went down to my knees.. Yesterday mostly was lying on my back.there goes my plan of exercising ( the keyword here is plan..hahah) hubby took the kids to school and picked them up, bought dinner. Kids helped with the laundry..hm... Some good did come out of this right? But I was still in a dark mood last night. Biasalah bila sakit, I would always feel guilty because hubby would have to do some of my duties BUT at the same time, I always feel that he is not doing enough or not doing it the right way which is my way.. Talk about irony and basically me being so confusing and a complicated person. Even now i think my sentnce doesn't make sense but what the heck i am just going to type this out. So after dinner and sembahyang isyak, i went out to the living room and told hubby that I was lonely and depressed. So when he asked why, I started bombarding him with all my feelings of feeling guilty but feeling that he should have done more and he should have shown more concern for me, bla bla bla and it dragged out to so many other issues..that is my style, one thing always lead to another and that is driving my hubby nuts!! I know..for me, kalau dah luahkan perasaan tu, semua benda kena luahkan sekali gus..malas nak buat banyak kali, then banyak kali nangis, which is exhausting!!! Anyway, had a long talk and hopefully things would be better now, Insya Allah. I guess, woman and man have two different, very very different ways of seeing things. For example, he said if I want his help, I could just ask for it, but for me, I think it would be nice if he does it without me having to ask him in the first place, maybe for me I think it would be more sincere...is it some kind of b********t or is it a valid issue? I don't know....

Hallluuuu..long time no write..

Well, what is my excuse this time for not writing in this blog for so so so long...hmm... Let's see.. My sister was here, no..not blaming her, actually ade je masa nak berblogging but just to have an excuse..so was the tourist guide for a month, that was tiring but super happy to have her here. We walked, shopped, cooked, baked and planned her wedding..yup, my little sister is getting married, Insya Allah in august so i am going to be the "mak pengantin" since i am the eldest. A bit , well, to be perfectly honest, very nervous about this..like I don't know all of my sedara, especially yang jarang jumpa, I might get the names wrong..gosh! That would so embarassing!!! Have to get some of my aunties' help on that. Nasib baik we have catering services now, not like zaman dulu where kena masak sendiri kat rumah, so cooking is not in my "things to worry" list. Excited to be going back for her wedding and Insya Allah for raya too! Already imagining all the glorious food waiting for me, yum yum... Ok, supposed to be writing about second part of the Disney trip but considering dah jadi cerita basi, let's just say that it was a really wonderful trip for all of us, lots of memories and tons and tons of great fun! Rasa macam nak pergi lagi.well, not likely coz it costs a ton( at least for us, it was) to go there..once in a lifetime jer kut but my son did say the next time he will be going to disneyworld is with his kids..so I asked whether he is going to bring me as well, and he said"of course, mommy". Great answer, if not, malam tu masak dinner sendiri..hahaha... Speaking of dinner, it is just going to be baked pasta for tonight as hubby is having dinner outside. As usual, if it is just the kids and me, pasta it is coz it is the easiest! But my son requested baked pasta in ramekins, he said it looks so luxurious.. What?? Ok lah, janji makan... Oh! I have been meaning to write about this...I overheard a woman's phone conversation on the bus(not my fault, she was talking loudly, I think the bus heard her)about her problems taking take of an elderly person. Now, I am not sure whether she was talking about her mom or her mother in law but she was saying that she couldn't do it anymore as it has been stressing her and her family out..she was complaining that this elderly woman didn't want to eat, didn't want to take showers, basically being a burden. Now I am not judging her because I don't know the whole story and maybe she was having a rough day and she was just pouring her heart out to the person on the other line. Some of the things she was saying, I could understand what she was going through for example, she had to be wearing a few different hats at the same time, being the daughter or (daughter in law), a wife and a mother.she was rushing between schools and her house and the elderly woman's house, trying to juggle so many things. I took care of my late mom when she was battling cancer and sometimes I did feel overwhelmed with all the things going on around me but I tried to do the best I could. It was not easy but it was nothing compared to what my mom was going through. Sometimes even now I wish I have done some things differently, wish I had done this or that or shouldn't have done this or that. When I told hubby about my worries, he said that my mom knew that I was trying my best and I have done it in the best way I could. But somehow, deep down I still feel that I haven't given my mom the best care that she deserved. Two days ago was her birthday, she would have been 63 years old. Happy birthday Ibu and Al-Fatihah.

We made it to Disneyworld!!!!

So last week was a very hectic and nerve wrecking week. I was planning this big huge trip to Disneyworld but kept it from the kids, wanted to surprise them. Once I saw a Disneyworld ad where a few parents surprised their kids and got it on video, so I have been planning to do that to them. So planning went on and on. The research on hotels ( trust me.. This one had me stressed out, which hotel, inside the parks or outside, the rate, the cleanliness, the service, the shuttle to Disney bla bla bla, tripadvisor was my best friend!)and then the flights, well, this one we booked really last minute as hubby just got clearance from HQ to take some days off on Friday morning, so Friday night I bought the tickets which turned out to be a few hundred dollars more compared to if we bought it two days earlier..oh well..what to do. Okay, after all of that was settled, I had to start packing but wait! The kids didn't know about it yet..yup, didn't plan to tell them until a few hours before the flight but then our flight was early Sunday morning so decided Saturday night would be ok and what a loonnggg Saturday it was. My daughter had a birthday party to go to at noon then at four, we had an invitation for tea at a friend's place, so there I was going to one party to another, keeping it all inside. Didn't even tell anybody else, guess I didn't want to jinx it..i know it sounds silly but after two trips being cancelled last minute, I was really hoping this one would go smoothly. At my friend's house, I didn't eat much,which I am regretting it now as her nasi lemak was super delicious. Anyway, we got home by 7, then asked them to change into their pajamas. Sat them down and with my camera ready with the video mode on, told them that they would not be going to school next week. When they asked why, told them "because we are going to Disneyworld!". They were stunned and couldn't process the info. Told them again, then they started jumping up and down! Oh..it was a sight to behold! The screaming of happiness was just priceless! I did it! THEN we started packing, packing for the lovely warm weather in Florida! Yeay! Ok, next day, off we went to the airport and my kids were saying that they couldn't believe this was happening and you know what kiddo, me too! The flight was smooth and once we got to Florida, everyone was feeling so excited! I couldn't sleep that night, the excitement plus it is a habit of mine not being able to sleep the first night I changed places. T The next morning, got up bright and early and had breakfast and off we went to Epcot! It was just surreal to see the big ball! Got on a few rides, took tons of pictures and had a gazillion of fun! Ok, part two of the trip in the next blog! Have to go now!