Today's weather reminds me of Malaysia

The day started with fog and then drizzle and then pouring rain with thunder..and here I am at home, feeling like being in Malaysia, with my coffee, the only thing missing is the local Malaysian drama or news on TV3 or astro..sorry RTM tak tengok, for me it is stuck in the 70s..heheh..boleh ke cakap macam tu? Anyway, sister inlaw coming next week with my niece yang I tak pernah jumpa lagi since she was born two years ago..she is my first niece..mommy going to spoil you so much..ice creams, and dresses and all the cute things we can find in NYC...and then Insya Allah, in August going back for raya and my sister's wedding...hm... something that I really look forward to but at the same time, I am scared and sad..scared because I have this huge responsibilty to be the "mak pengantin" and to spearhead the whole thing, of course my brothers and aunts and uncles going to be helping but I still feel the pressurein making sure everything would go smoothly. even though it is going to be just a simple akad nikah and kenduri, the wprry is still there. and the sad part is that I am not going to see my mom waiting for me at our home or at the airport and I am afraid I am going to break down and cry once we reach home and seeing that it is dark and empty. I miss the times with my mom that I always ahve looked forward to every time I wnet home, she would picked me up at the airport then the next day, we would have breakfast and chat and chat about anything and everything under the sun, then we would hit the shops then buy nasi sumatera for lunch, then went back home. after a short nap in the afternon (for my late mom, her afternoon nap was a must..even if only for ten minutes, it was her way of recharging herself) we would have tea, either the delicious pisang goreng bought at this makcik's stall or my mom's yummy and soft pancake. actually we would have coffee, not tea...and then, after asar, we would go out again, either to shops again or visit our relatives..then at night, after dinner we would watch TV then she would have her milo before calling it a day..How I miss those simple yet wonderful times with Ibu..

Bidan terjun

Today started off with a very rushed morning, last minute 'work' to be done at 8 am in the morning, so had to send DD earlier than usual to school, the abang was away at camp( just for one night but mommy missing him like crazy already). Then a friend couldn't make it to a charity event, first pregnancy for her, having a very bad morning sickness so I had to be the bidan terjun to cukupkan korum. So after the "work", had to rush home, in baju kurung in NYC, tukar baju, and off I went to the event..mak aii..laparnyer, pagi tak sempat breakfast, and plus the fact that I just started a new ambitious routine of drinking warm lemon water in the morning instead of coffee.. ( will see how long this one will last!), so tummy was rumbling...and since nak glamour, pakai ler heels 4 inches..memang asking for trouble la kan? Jalan dah macam mak itik..got home, waited for SD to come back from his first ever camping trip, picked him up form school and off we went to get DD from a birthday party( si kecik ni social life mengalahkan mak dia, bday party la, playdate la).. And luckily I was in the right state of mind not to wear my heels doing all this walking..but even with only two hours of wearing those heels, I am paying the price now. I wonder how some people can wear heels all day long and doesn't look like a duck waddling? The kids are watching star wars episode IV.. SD after balik from universal, developed this interest in star wars, so now lego pun star wars, buku pun star wars and now nak tengok movie pulak, mommy is okay with it, I can watch harrison ford anytime, anywhere, again and again.. :))

still clueless

Was looking at some writing contests but somehow i don't have the courage to enter and at the same time, my lack of motivation is a big hurdle...i wish that God can show me what i am supposed to do, am i supposed to be writing, working or doing something else..i can't be content with just being a stay at home mom right? Or can I? Coz in my mind, a stay at home mom is not cool or great enough but actually the problem with me is that i don't have a talent or skill like baking, cooking, knitting( well, truthfully do know how to knit , at least the basic but can't find the drive to continue plus dont see the point.. That is another problem of mine, not seeing the point of doing certain things especially if it doesn't give immediate results) and now back to the list if talents that I don't have..decorating, design and so on and so forth.. side point : now using the wireless mac keyboard hubby gave me for mother's day so maybe that will give me the much needed push to wtite more, because..here comes another excuse..typing on the ipad keyboard is a bit difficult..but actually it is true, i feel more comfortable typing now, plus maybe the fact that i am now sitting on a chair and not slumped in front of the tv with the ipad on my lap. ok, back to what i want to do with my life..saw that a cousin is now working with the perdana global peace foundation..i think that is something that i might be interested in being involved but have to be more abreast with the the world issues la kan? so have to cut down all the series that I like to watch..luckily DH dah abih so that is off the list..now al jazeera is on, so that is a good start i guess. watching the crisis in africa is down right sad and i feel bad for what is happening over there and here I am sometimes envying people that can afford LV handbags..pffttt..talk about being shallow.. another side point..accidentally press a button and out came a song from my ipod..wow! i am happy with this keyboard!!!

Back pain

Hurt my back a few days ago, was wiping the dresser and boom! it went, the searing pain on my back and later went down to my knees.. Yesterday mostly was lying on my back.there goes my plan of exercising ( the keyword here is plan..hahah) hubby took the kids to school and picked them up, bought dinner. Kids helped with the laundry..hm... Some good did come out of this right? But I was still in a dark mood last night. Biasalah bila sakit, I would always feel guilty because hubby would have to do some of my duties BUT at the same time, I always feel that he is not doing enough or not doing it the right way which is my way.. Talk about irony and basically me being so confusing and a complicated person. Even now i think my sentnce doesn't make sense but what the heck i am just going to type this out. So after dinner and sembahyang isyak, i went out to the living room and told hubby that I was lonely and depressed. So when he asked why, I started bombarding him with all my feelings of feeling guilty but feeling that he should have done more and he should have shown more concern for me, bla bla bla and it dragged out to so many other issues..that is my style, one thing always lead to another and that is driving my hubby nuts!! I know..for me, kalau dah luahkan perasaan tu, semua benda kena luahkan sekali gus..malas nak buat banyak kali, then banyak kali nangis, which is exhausting!!! Anyway, had a long talk and hopefully things would be better now, Insya Allah. I guess, woman and man have two different, very very different ways of seeing things. For example, he said if I want his help, I could just ask for it, but for me, I think it would be nice if he does it without me having to ask him in the first place, maybe for me I think it would be more sincere...is it some kind of b********t or is it a valid issue? I don't know....