Winter break

Today is the last day of this term. The kids have ten days of winter break, which is considered quite short for two holidays, Christmas and New Year. Anyway, we are planning to go to Myrtle Beach for three nights. It is supposed to be warmer there so am really looking forward to that but what I am dreading is the travel. It will be around 12 hours of travel, by car. I don't really like travelling by car or bus actually, I prefer train or flight. But hoping it will all be okay. The kids are super excited of going. Really have to think of things to keep them occupied for twelve hours. Ok..let's see, PSP, books, IPad, more books, IPhone and more books! Hahaha..they will be complaining of mommy bringing too many books. Well they still have to keep reading even though it is winter break.

New York city is sort of quieter already by today. Guess many people left early to beat the traffic but then if many people are doing it, the traffic will still be facing them right? Christmas morning in the city feels something like KL during raya. Quiet, peaceful, no honking which is very very rare for the city that never sleeps!

Let's talk about christmas shopping now. Some shops are open extra early like 7 or 8 in the morning! And the lines are just too long at times. I bought some presents for some of the kids' friends and school staffs and I made sure I went in the morning where the crowd was more bearable. The sales are very tempting but would have to wait till next month. This month's spending has gone way up, no thanks to the christmas bonus we gave to the staff in the building. There are 18 of them so we ended up giving quite a lot, way more than what we spent for our own raya! Well, when in Rome, do what the Romans do (within limits, of course!).

Happy holidays!

Nervous....

Tomorrow I am going to get a mammogram and an ultrasound as well...my OBGYN said even though I am not forty yet(alah..tiga tahun jer lagi..), because of family history, I would have to get the mammogram done earlier and it has to be an annual routine. Well, I am nervous because I know my two 'sisters' will be compressed and the plates are cold, pkus the cold bbbrrrr weather is not going to help at all! Imagining it is going to be like a panini press! I am not supposed to put any lotion, deodorant or talcum on that area and the armpit. Alamak, ketiak basah la jawabnyer esok, not from the heat, coz sejuk now..but because of the nervousness! Please let it be ok and not that painful. And hopefully the result will be okay, Insya Allah.

My friend's babysitter is being admitted today due to depression and she was having suicidal thoughts. My friend was at the hospital wth her and this girl was really in a bad state. The weird thing is her mom doesn't even bother to come and see her distraught daughter. Her mom lives in Boston and maybe takde duit ke aper or tak sihat nak datang but she didn't even mention of wanting to come but has no means or money to do it. She was just relying on my friend to handle everything, hello.. This is your daughter we are talking aboug..sometimes I don't understand how some people value their family. I don't know so I am trying not to judge but it is just so weird. Your daughter was thinking of killing herself and thereryou are not willing to do anything more than just texting your daughter's employer to know what was going on!! My frIend was kind enough to offer to pay for the mother's fare to come here if she wants to come but she didn't say anything about coming over to look after her flesh and blood!

Ok...time to sleep now. Hopefully I can sleep...

She is a graduate now!

Yesterday, one of my sisters graduated. I am so very proud of her, happy but sad i couldn't make it to her graduation. Brisbane is just too far from NY and the kids tengah sekolah, so sort of forced my brother yang single lagi tu to promise me that he would go. i don't want her to be alone on her graduation day. I know she said it is ok, but I insisted that at least of one of us has to be there with her. I know my mom and dad would be so very proud of her. She is damn smart! Got 6/7 for her thesis in some biotech thing, that is super smart in my eyes! so happy to see her in her robe and how I wish I could be there!

Can't wait for her to come and visit us next year, missing her and everyone so much. Last weekend, I just broke down, I missed home and my adik2 and mom and dad sssooo much. Plus the fact that I was having horrible terrible migraine yang makan ubat bertubi-tubi pun tak hilang and hubby wasn't feeling well too, so the environment wasn't helping my homesickness at all. I was being snappy, hubby was being snappy and we just kept snapping at each other, I was feeling so miserable and am sure he was too. A while later, we had a talk and I told him I was missing home and my 'bestfriend' is here..that friend can really turn my mood upside down, inside out! So later, we were ok. See, all we needed was communication.

Anyway, yesterday went to the dentist, had two fillings done and a biopsy on a growth on my gum. Hopefully it is nothing, Insya Allah. Was feeling a bit dizzy after all the anesthetic given (hope this is the right word and spelling!), so texted hubby to see if he could come and get me. He did and I was happy! Sometimes he tends to put his work first and I know sometimes he can't help it, he is not the big boss anyway but the fact that he did come and get me, just make me love him even more!

Anyway, it is a good day today and hoping for more good and great days to come.

Missing home like crazy

Today I skyped with my three adiks... While skyping, two of them were playing the dance game thingy on kinect...it was fun watchung them play but how my heart ached to be there with them. Missing them and home so much...they just went back to KB for my cousin's wedding...miss that too..all the fun and the chaos that comes with the kenduri and of course the kenduri food and KB food. It didn't help that my brother posted a picture of the best chicken choo ever..sunhua restaurant.

Sometimes I wish we could just hop on the plane and go home but it is not that easy. The flight is way too long and it is not cheap either. Luckily my sister and brother came to visit us so terubatla sikit rindu. Insya Allah my other sister is coming next year. I am looking forward to go back for good after our three-year contract but there is one thing that is I am scared to face, going back to my mom's house. It will be weird going back there and knowing that she won't be there waiting for us, for me. I don't know whether I can handle it, the feeling of sadness and emptiness. It would take time for me to adjust to that. After my mom's passing, the time we had in KB was too short for me to absorb everything and come to terms with her death and before I knew it, we were on the flight to New York. So as much as I look forward to go home, I dread facing the empty house. I dread knowing that when I wake up in the morning, I won't be able to have our usual morning ritual of having our nasi berlauk breakfast and coffee and talk about anything and everything, which followed by the trip to the shops, the bazaars and then buy lunch, usually the yummy nasi sumatra. Then after lunch, she would have her afternoon nap, then we would have our afternoon coffee with some fried pisang goreng or my mom's yummy pancake. Then we would go to our relatives' house or just have a nice time in her garden. How i miss doing those things with Ibu and how I miss her. My heart aches and only God knows how much it is aching everyday.

Praying for strength...

Old style cartoons

Yesterday, both kiddos were down with the sniffles and coughing including moomy who was coughing too. Most of the morning, we sat in front of the tv, flicking the channels. Usually they would settle for either disney or nick but yesterday, they watched looney tunes and tom and jerry. Reminded me of my childhood, watching all those innocent cartoons. Why did I say innocent? Well, now the cartoons for kids got a lot more sophisticated for example the adventure time and one more cartoon that my kids like to watch, can't remember the name. They used to watch Dora, Imagination Movers and Barney but they are too grown up for those shows now and the choices they have for their age group are more towards "adult". I mean just look at shows such as wizards of weaverly place, shake it up, good luck charlie, so random...some contents are about boyfriends and kissing. Why can't they do more cartoon like the mickey mouse and donald duck and goofy. Or even Mr. Bean is much more kid-friendly. Anyway, I was glad that my kids enjoyed tom and jerry and looney tunes..i enjoyed it too.

Another activity that we enjoyed doing together yesterday was the puzzle. My son not so much, but my daughter loves doing ouzzle and so do I. My mom used to tell me that when I was small, I loved doing puzzles so much, the more challenging it is, the better. Even now, I still love it so it is a bonding time for my daughter and me. We could be on the floor for hours trying to put together those small tiny confusing pieces.


Nostalgic...

Tak jadi pulak...

Today started off in not a really good way. I had to break the news to the kiddos that we had to postpone the plan to go to Philadephia coz Papa has to work on Saturday. They are now on thanksgiving holidays so thursday and friday no school..so was thinking before it gets really cold and freezing and we are bound and memang nak pun stay at home, we might as well make use of the nice weather that is surprisingly still around this time of year. Tup tup, si bapak la pulak kena kerja. What to do..:((. Si abang ok, a bit sad but he was calm, but si adik lain cerita..mengalir air mata, broke my heart. She had it all planned..what to bring in her packback, what to do during the train ride..so have to pujuk and planned to go and visit statue of liberty. Dah nearly dua tahun kat sini, this was our first time! Don't ask why we didn't go earlier..this is the syndrome of " there will always be time, takpelah...nanti nanti kita pergi". Anyhow, we went and there was less crowd, semua orang balik kampung so all in all, it was a good and fun experience for all of us, apart from the factwe couldn't have dinner outside( mommy so looking forward to that) because almost all restaurant are closed.

So now dah makan and dah sembahyang and it is only 7.30 pm. Maghrib is at 4.30 ish ( good time to ganti puasa) so nights are so long. Nothing good to watch on tv...actually I am supposed to start working on my final assignment which is due Dec 9 but been having writer's block. Have started drafting a few stories but not sure of which one to work on and submit. Right now, we have purchased movie on demand..Super 8. Not really sure what is the story about but tengok jer la.. My mind is thinking of the Black Friday tomorrow where people would start lining up outside the store tonight or in the wee hours tomorrow morning. 3 am in front of bloomingdales in the 40F temperature doesn't that bad but I think sleeping is a much better and warmer option. Maybe i'll go in the afternoon, tengok whatever is left. I haven't and hopefully will not reach the extreme and chronic shopaholic level. So that why i am not packing up my blanket to go and sleep in front of Macy's right now.

Freedom...

That smells good

Right now i am waiting for hubby to finish making dinner for us. It is a kind of ritual for us during one of the weekend nights, he would be making us maggi for dinner. But let me tell you that it is not the plain basic microwave maggi that we know. His maggi is the gourmet kind of maggi. He would saute some onions or garlic and then put some chicken or seafood and then some veggies. I really love his gourmet maggi. Tried making it but it didn't turn out to be the same so i just leave it to the expert..:)). Oh and he would put some cili padi to give it the extra kick!

Oh my! My tummy is grumbling now. The weird thing is we had a late lunch so I thought I won't need to have dinner but somehow I feel famished right now. Today was a good day. Had breakfast then we went out to Fifth Avenue. Tini wanted to buy sime American girl outfits and build-a-bear with the giftcard she got for her birthday, also we wanted to get a new game for Wii. The fact that we can just walk to Fifth Avenue still amaze me sometimes. This is one of the famous places where tourist would make it a point to go to when they are in New York. I guess that is one of the perks of living in Manhattan but trust me it comes with a price as well. We miss home terribly and the yummy Malaysian food and work is not easy (for hubby) and as for me, let me just say that some people that I have to deal with here, I wish they would just vanish into thin air! Plus winter is indeed not something that we look forward to. Anyway, I am grateful with what we have now and want to enjoy this city that never sleep as much as possible beore our time is up.

My 500-word assignment is due next month and I haven't started yet. Well, I have a few stories that I have casually wrote but I doubt that they will be good enough for the class. It seems that I don't have a grain of imagination in my brain right now. Is it because I am trying to hard? If I just let it be, would it come flying to me?

Bon appetite!

It is time to get serious

Ok...now it is time to get serious about my writing..have enrolled in an online writing class and it has been fun apart from the fact that I am quite bersemangat before but now I am starting t get lazy again, as usual la kan..but am determine to see this through. Have to instill a new point of view..write, write and write..tak kisah la orang nak baca ke tak..the help's author, katherine sockett wrote the book without even thinking that anybody would read her book. So just write, blog and just do it...write for the fun of it, as i enjoy writing. It is just that sometimes i just don't have the idea of what to write on but will always remember this rule IF YOU LIKE TO WRITE, YOU'LL WRITE MORE, IF YOU WRITE MORE, YOUR WRITING WILL IMPROVE!

Housewife

Housewife

Housewife...how i loathe that word yet i am one..by choice?..not really...had to quit my job coz following my hubby who got posted overseas..well, i could have stayed here and him being over there, but being old school i guess, family comes first. For me, a family needs to stay together..i do know few friends who live separately from their spouse and some didn't have any problems with that, but not me..i would be feeling guilty, having the kids apart from their dad. Anyway, being a housewife really bugs me, yep, even though it has been nearly ten years. My friends who are working do envy me having leisure time, not worrying about work and being yelled at by the boss. Well, there are two sides to a coin so there are some cons that come with being a housewife. Financial dependency on your hubby is one, which was a bit difficult for me, and still is, as I was financially dependent during my single days, having scholarship during my students days and have had worked for a few years. And for me, I feel by being a housewife, I am not really using my brain..the only writing I do is the groceries list..well, actually now that my kids have gone to school, I do a bit of writing in the communication book to their teachers but that's about it. That's why now I am starting my blog,at least I can get my brain going again and also get a few things off my chest.

Some people think that it's good that the mothers stay at home and take care of their kids coz then the children's upbringing is better than being left with the maid. But being cooped up at home and having to do all the housework and not being able to do things for yourself without feeling guilty, does take a toll on you and the anger and frustration would be let out on the kids by yelling at them for no good reason. So that's a catch 22 situation there, isn't it? Patience is really important and I am still working on it.

Why do moms worry all the time?

Why do moms worry all the time?

My little girl started to go to the big school. And she is really excited about it and had no problem in adjusting..very well I must say..on the first day, she didn't even cry. and i didn't have to wait but i did, at least until snack time..worry if she wouldn't eat her snack and would go hungry. She was so excited that she had only a few spoons of cereal for breakfast. Before leaving, I think I told her a thousand times to eat her lunch, not to play on the monkey bars, drink her water, listen to the teacher..bla..bla..bla....if I were her, I would scream "I know!!!!!" . But not her, she just nodded her head like the toy with the bouncing head..whatcammacalit again?

At home, I was praying that she eats her lunch. And decided to go extra early to fetch her...waited and waited and worrying if she is okay. The bell rang and out they came from the class. She was beaming and ran towards me. I hugged her and boy, do I miss her even though it was only for six hours. Was so glad that she was okay. On the way home, she was telling me about what she did in school, her new teacher and friends. When I asked her whether she had her lunch.."Just s little bit Mommy coz I have to go and play"...and she finished her lunch in the car. She did okay for the first day..I didn't have to worry after all but guess that what moms do..ALL THE TIME....

This morning, as I was waiting for my kids to get into their classrooms, two moms came over with theirs kids. One girl, named, Natasha, is a very cheerful and sweet girl, immediately greeted my daughter, her classmate, good morning. She is always happy and smiling. And another girl, named, Zara, was complaining about something to her mom, with a unhappy face. The thing is this doesn't happen only today. Almost every morning, the scenario is the same. From my observation (yep...I kill time by analyzing people..it's fun some time)..Natasha's mom is the very cheerful type while Zara's mom is always frowning..I guess the kids pick up the mood from their mothers...or in general, their surroundings...I think it is important to have a positive vibe around your kids, they have this sixth sense if anything is wrong. Sometimes, when I had fights with my hubby, my kids would sense something and immediately they would behave extra nice because they know mommy was not in a good mood...It is not easy sometimes to be positive ALL the time but as parents, it is our responsibility...and someone told me that NEVER fight in front of the kids. So as I was boiling inside, wanting to scream at my husband, I just have to put on a smiling face in front of the kids and be patient..good practice actually to keep yourself calm. Who said being a parent is easy..it's a huge responsibility but it's also an even bigger joy!!!!!