A few more days to go..

Hubby has been away for more than two weeks now...balik Malaysia ok??? Jealous to the max when he told me that he was going back home to attend the PTK course and sit for the exam..ok, of course not jealous about the course and the exams' part..but the part that boleh balik jumpa family and eat all those glorious Malaysian food!!!!! Well, Insya Allah, he'll be coming back in a few days' time. The kids are counting the days, mommy too..plus the things he'll be bringing home. But can't kirim all the KFC and McD and what not..wouldn't last the loooonnnnggg flight to come back here.

Being a "single mom" for almost a month was not easy..I couldn't imagine how my mom did it back then when my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack and she was left to take care of the five of us. My younger sisters were only 5 and 3 years old at that time. My mother suddenly had to take care of everything, the household, the kids, paying the bills..she was such a strong woman..she is my inspiration!!!!!

Ibu..I love you and miss you!!!!!

feeling so helpless!!!

My youngest sister just skyped me..asking me whether she can take more painkillers for her toothache. She had surgery about a week ago to take out two wisdom teeth and now the stitches are painful and her gums are not in good condition and she can't sleep. She has an exam tomorrow and it is already 2 am in the morning. Here I am thousand and thousand miles away and skyping with her and wishing that I am there to take care of her. asked her to take panadol but there was no more panadol at home. I feel so helpless that I can't do anything about it. I don't really know how she feels but I just hope that she is okay. After our mom passed away and I left, she is staying with my brother. He is going a good job taking care of her, I know that but I just wish I can be there. She is alone, no dad, no mom and she looks so helpless. I know she might be much much stronger than I think she is and even much stronger than me. But as for know, I just want to be there for her. Ya Allah, please protect my baby sister. Please give her the strength. Amin.

Long time no write...

Wow..been a few months since my last blog...hmmm..let me think of some excuses..the kids are having their summer break, so was busy bringing them out to keep them occupied, couldn't afford the summer camp over here, kalau tak dah lama hantar. So brought them to the museums (the interesting ones only..), parks, funfairs, beaches and all those places which were packed with tourists during this hot, blazing hot summer. It was really hot..hotter than Malaysia, at times. Did avoid those really hot days with the heatwave warning. Chose to stay home instead, watching movies and catching up with their reading and math..which was not an easy task...suruh jer buat kerja, sakit perut la, letih la..kalau mengadap tv or computer, sihat jer...:)). Now since it is fasting month, decided to stay home most of the time. With the heat and the longer hours of fasting (around 4.30 am to 8 pm), don't think the kids would want to continue fasting if we were to go out.

Now, as I am typing this, our windows are being cleaned by our doorman who is looking for some extra money. Nak raya kan, rumah kena la extra bersih sikit...takling about raya, still not sure of what to cook for raya. Plus honestly speaking, I am in no mood to "beraya". Really want to go back to Malaysia for raya but it's too far and too soon plus too expensive. Plus it will be the first time raya without my mom around, so it will be hard for me and for my family. But as my brother puts it..we have to move on and some things we have to do it the hard and difficult way.

Last Friday, my son ran into a wall and got a HUGE, DEEP cut on his left eyebrow. We were having iftar at hubby's office and he was playing with a few friends. Rushed him to the ER and got ten stitches!! He was bleeding quite badly, blood on his shirt, blood on his pants and blood on his stomach..it was not a pretty sight. On the way to the hospital, while crying, he was asking me whether I would forgive him for not being a good boy...Oh, dear..it was heart-wrenching to see my son in that condition...now he is recovering, the swelling has subside but the stitches would take a few more days before dissolving or falling off or something like that...Guess he would have to raya with a scar on his eyebrow.

Ok, that's all for now..actually am forcing myself to type this, no mood to blog but no excuses..write away!!!!

the other woman...

A few years ago, my uncle married another woman after being married to his first wife for more than thirty years and the woman that he married already have six kids from her previous marriage!!!! Everybody was (and some still is) mad at him for doing that to his wife. His wife is a petite, quiet and timid woman that never raise her voice to anyone. One of the reasons given by my uncle when asked why did he do it was that he was not getting enough attention anymore from his wife who was busy taking care of their first grandchild. Is that a valid reason or a lame one? Did he get enough attention from the woman that has six kids? My uncle now basically abandon his first wife and neglect his duties towards her. He doesn't even bother to divorce her. She is left hanging. Luckily, her kids are around to support her. Recently, their youngest daughter got married and he wanted to be there, so there was a bit of chaos and hostility and his wife stayed in the room until he left the ceremony. It was supposed to be one of the happiest moments for the newlyweds but something like this had ruined their day.

People would say it is noble to forgive and forget but how can someone forgive and forget something like this? His wife is traumatised for being left "just like that" and now even scared (or is it more of hatred?) of seeing my uncle's shadow. She tries to carry on with her life but I must think it is so hard for her to go through life knowing that her husband is somewhere else, in another home, with another woman. What about their kids? No doubt they are all grown up and have their own family, but the fact that your dad is with his "other" kids, that must be hard. I am now sure which one is harder to swallow, losing your dad like that or losing your dad to a heart attack? My siblings and I lost our dad suddenly to a heart attack, 17 years ago. It was so sudden that we didn't have the chance to say goodbye. We still miss him but we know that he is no longer here but will always be in our heart. On the other hand, for our cousins, their dad is alive but is he in their hearts?

Life is full of challenges, so take charge!!!!!

leave my children alone...

This morning in the papers, one mother declared this saturday to be "Independence Play" day where you are supposed to leave your kids in the park and let them be socially independent for the day. Nope, we can not be somewhere nearby spying on our kids to make sure they are okay. We are supposed to teach them the art of survival by letting them roam free in the park. Are you CRAZY, woman?????!!!??? and the age that she suggests we start this "independence training" is around 7 or 8 years old. Once again, are you CRAZY, woman???!!!!??? With all the cases of kids being snatched away by people and not being found until today, what in the world are you thinking? Actually last year she put her 9-year-old son on the subway ALONE and asked him to find his own way home. Luckily he got home safely. Yer la, kalau tak sampai, I doubt she would carry on with this crazy and so so so stupid thing.

Normally, I would stopped myself at judging people but boy, do I judge this lady. She says the goal is to "teach youngsters independence and social skills - within limits". I mean you still can teach your kids to be independent and to be social with other kids without leaving them alone in the park or whatever place your kids are at. There are a lot of pedophiles out there that have so many ways of luring kids to follow them and 7 or 8 or even 9-year-old kids are not wise enough to be on their own while all these sickos are everywhere. Seriously, this woman need someone to put some sense into her head. She is saying that you can just "drop your kids off alone and the park and hope for the best" Hope for the best???? You are like playing with your kid's life by trying your luck!!!! It is like you're saying "If he is okay, then okay, if not..don't worry..I can get another kid" Hello..we are not talking about a puppy or a cat here!!!! Gosh..I am so furious right now. Ok, the papers have set up a voting poll to see if we think this is a good idea. Well, I know which way I am going to vote...

The world is full of ideas..including the stupid ones!!!

in cooking mode

This week I am in my unusual, very unusual cooking mode. By that, I mean I am being so interested in trying to cook something new. Last Tuesday, for the first time in my life and in ten years of married life, I attempted to make beef lasagna. My daughter was whining that she wanted lasagna and we tried one from a Mediterranean shop but it wasn't good. So I tried and didn't fully succeeded. Well, the taste was good but it turned out to be to "wet". Maybe I used too much sauce or maybe because I covered it during baking. But anyhow, my kids were happy and my hubby said it's okay. Not truly happy but then again, for a first attempt, I would have to say it is pretty darned good. Next project was baked chicken with mushroom sauce and roasted potatoes. For some people that would be a walk in the park. But for me, it was indeed a big deal. Checked quite a few recipes and a few more until I got confused about which recipe to use! By the end of the day, the chicken was okay, a bit over baked but the potatoes turned out great!!! There are a few more on my "have to try to cook this" list but it all depends on my cooking mode which doesn't come by ever so often.

What's for dinner?

Mother's day...

Had a wonderful mother's day yesterday. Woken up by hubby and kids barging into the room, shouting mother's day..yep..woke up late yesterday..mother's day what!! kasi can la..anyway, my son was complaining that mommy's mouth stinks (whose doesn't in the morning? All the stories which show people waking up in the morning and kissing each other is total bulls**t..heheh). I got a really cute picture frame and a few cards, even got one from hubby (that's a first!). Then hubby made breakfast (well, weekends are always his cooking anyway) and then went out for lunch and watched Iron Man 2. As usual, my son didn't want to go and was making a big fuss about wanting to stay home during weekends and relaxing. I had a slow talk with him and said I really wanted to spend this day with my family and by that I mean, watching Iron Man..:)). So we went and he did enjoy it!!!

Happy as I was yesterday, it was a bittersweet day actually. This is the first year that I couldn't wish my mom happy mother's day and only God knows how much I miss her. The hard part is that whenever I think of her, I think of all the suffering that she went through and wish that she didn't have to go through all those things. For me, my mom had a hard life and just when I thought things were getting better for her, she was hit with the cancer episode. But God knows what is the best for us and whom am I to decide what is good and what is bad and what is unfair? I can just hope and pray that she is in a better place now. I really miss you, Ibu, I really do and I love you..Happy Mother's Day...

friendly people..

Today, I met a few friendly people. I was waiting in line at the post office and this lady who was behind me started talking about the weather (that is always the opening line) and we just hit it off. I mean it was a short conversation but it was really nice talking to her. Plus she gave me tips where to find designer clothes at a fraction of the price. Yeay!!! She told me that she heard a Malaysian singer at a jazz bar in town and she was good. Too bad she didn't remember her name. And we talked about going to the gym. Well, she talked about going to gym and she goes EVERYDAY!!! As for me, nada!!! I just do it at home. I find it intimidating to go to the gym, takut orang tengok la, malu la. Perasan jer, padahal no one cares really..anyway, I just do my pilates at home.... Anyway, back to the nice lady, she is a freelance art director. Not really sure how that works, but it sounds interesting. After saying good bye to her, got my stamps (chit-chatted with the lady at the stamps counter for a bit, she's friendly too) , I went to do some groceries and this nice man working there asked me how was my day. And I sort of blurted out that I was feeling tired because last night I didn't have enough sleep. I think he asked me out of courtesy, but when I told him that, he seemed really concerned and wished me well and hoped I can get a good rest tonight. Somehow it made me feel good. I guess meeting friendly people is good for your health and what is even healthier is that we can be friendly ourselves. But that comes with some consequences as not everybody is friendly, so sometimes we would end up being like a fool if orang tak layan our friendliness..but there is no harm trying.

Smiles make the world go round...

His 9th birthday..

My son celebrated his 9th birthday a few days ago. We had a small simple celebration, just the four of us. He wanted to go to Toys-R-Us and before hand he had made a very looooonnnng list of toys he wanted to buy which came up to 400 bucks!!! Hello...ingat mommy cop duit ka?? Before that, we had to go and get his eyes check again!!! Apparently the glasses he's wearing now is not helping him to see clearly in class, we just had that made four months ago!!! Ni kes tengok TV and computer tak pakai cermin mata la ni...so we waited for nearly two hours to see the doctor, even though I have made an appointment earlier but somehow other people went in before us. Not wanting to make a scene (one of those rare days where I don't feel like scolding people..), we waited while my son was asking every five minutes when are we going to go to the toy store. My daughter was also excited to go because she knew she can tumpang her brother's birthday and get herself a brand new toy. That's happens every year...anyway, after all was checked and paid and done, off we went to Times Square. As usual, there was a sea of people, it was a Saturday and the weather was nice, even though a tad breezy. We went straight to the LEGO section and boy, he took his own sweet time in choosing which one to buy. I told him that he was not going to buy ALL the things he had on his list, and he could choose only one, a big ONE box of LEGO. So he had a hard time choosing which one to buy first. He was scared that the other ones would be out-of-stock the next time he comes here. The reason why he had that phobia is because, once we went to a different toy store and he wanted this Lego and we said we could come next time to buy since we didn't have time that day (at least that's the reason I gave him) and when we did go for the second time, the Lego he wanted was not there anymore. Not only that, most of the Lego was gone, a mistake to go that time as it was after Christmas...so he had the right to be scared this time around and worried that it would not be there anymore the next time. Anyway, as we were waiting and waiting and waiting (we were being extra nice since it was his birthday after all), I decided to bring my daughter to look for her toy as my hubby had the "hard work" of helping my son to choose. Well, our little girl didn't give me an easy work either. Since there were ssssooooo many toys to choose from, she was rambang mata already, not knowing which one to choose. After quite sometime, both of them decided on their toys, at last!!! Then, my hubby and me felt hungry from all the waiting and persuading, so we decided to go have lunch (a birthday lunch). Well, the birthday boy decided that he didn't want to go for lunch and he said he felt tired and wanted to go home. Old trick!! Because we knew that the reason why he wanted to go home so soon was to play with his new Lego set. So we dragged him to lunch and he was being such a grumpy boy, he complained that he was feeling cold and his tummy hurt and what not. Mommy's hungry and mommy wants to eat so your Lego just have to wait. But when the food came, he was enjoying his food all the same!!! Siap pau mommy's food lagi. Then we headed home and straight away he opened his new toy and he really like it so all in all, it was a good birthday for him...

All ends well..even though the journey was not that easy sometimes...

how i appreciate good health..

I haven't been blogging for quite a while. Been sick for ages, well, at least that's how I felt. It started with a slight fever, then fever gone, came the migraine for three days, decided to change the medication since the one I was taking was not doing me any good. Bad move! Turned out I am allergic to that medicine, so what happened was what usually happens when I am allergic to some medicine (I have a long list of what type of medicine I am allergic to..and it keeps on changing, doctors are quite puzzled when they talk to me about my so-weird allergic problem). Where was I? Oh yes, my eyes got swollen, couldn't barely open them, my daughter said that I looked like my chinese friend. My son reminded me of the promise to bring him to watch "The diary of the wimpy kid" movie. Sorry dear, not when mommy's eyes are like this!!!! So had to postpone the movie outing to the next day! After that episode of swollen eyes, I had a bit of cough. After two days, it got better so I thought the worst is over!!! Well, I thought wrong. The worst was yet to come. Tuesday night, I felt all chilly and my whole body was aching..a sign of getting a really bad fever. True enough, the next morning I woke up all groggy and my head was spinning. Took panadol and went back to sleep (hubby had to handle the kids, sent them to school and picked them up..). Woke up a few hours later, my tonsils were swollen!! Couldn't even swallow my own saliva without feeling like there were millions of pins down my throat!! I am not exaggerating..it did felt like that! Went to the doctor the next day...I was so glad to see him!! I hadn't been eating normally for two days..all i had was yogurt (even that hurt like..like..like..well like swallowing pins and needles). The doc prescribed antibiotics, and I thought, yeay, I am going to be okay in two days' time! I thought wrong once again!!! The next day my gums got all swollen, so add that to the swollen tonsils, I had a field day, of not being able to get anything into my tummy without crying because it hurt ssssooo much! Called the doctor and went to see him again (twice in five days!) and he discovered I was allergic to the antibiotics (remember I have a llooonnng list of what I am allergic to?). So stopped taking that antibiotics and took a different medicine to reduce the swelling. So after a few days, I got better, thank God. Now the gums on the back of my mouth are still a bit swollen but I now appreciate drinking water without feeling any pain and the fact that I can eat almost normally now. This event made me realised how important being healthy is and we should not take it for granted. When I was sick, I couldn't kiss or cuddle my kids and I miss taking care of them, even though I always complain that I am so tired doing the housework and taking care of everybody. My hubby was extra helpful, he took two days off to take care of me and to take over "running the kingdom". I missed having my morning coffee but one thing that I am not going to eat for quite some time is yogurt because that was all I had for nearly a week and the sight of yogurt reminds me of how sick I was, so now I am yogurt phobia (I am sure that's a word for it..). When my gums are 100% ok, the first thing I am going to do is to buy the foot long subway sandwich and really bite into it! I think the 2 kilos I lost when I was sick will be regained in no time...oppss!!!!

Being sick is no fun!!!!

spring break..

My kids are having their spring break for about two weeks, even though the weather today don't seem like spring time at all, it has been raining since last night and it is sssooo gloomy and depressing. The kids were watching TV and if I hadn't reminded them that they have some reading assignments to do, they would be in front of that box till night time. My son is really testing my patience now, he is dilly-dallying and making all sorts of excuses not to do his reading. Hmmm geram jugak nih...sabar!!!! My daughter okay sikit..rajin la jugak..

The reading system here is quite good, they don't just ask you to read the book, but they emphasize on stopping and thinking about the story and the kids are encouraged to have little post-its where they can jot down ideas or questions along the way. And instead of having tons of homework everyday like what I had waaaayyyy back then, they have a manageable amount of homework and a book a day to read. The interest of reading is being instilled at a very young age and also the critical thinking part of it. The kids also have writing classes, I mean I am so impressed that they are learning how to write a book starting at first grade. Also with the books they are reading, they learn the different techniques of writing books. I know that we also have essays and karangans in our school, but the method is a bit different and I think the kids are learning more through this system of "building" your story throughout the year. By the end of the year, the kids will be "publishing" their books. I wish I had that when I was in school..maybe I would be an award-winning writer by now...hehehe...

Don't stop wishing...

ski trip..

At last, we went for an outing outside the city...kids were super excited, no problem waking them up 5 in the morning. The journey was smooth, apart from the bus driver who got the drop-off place wrong..dah la salah, tak nak apologize pulak tu..anyway, got to the ski resort, snow was scarce..dah spring kan, but enough to ski and tubing. Hubby joined the ski lesson, the kids and me went tubing..no lesson needed for that one..luncur jer..it was sssoooo much fun. At first my daughter was scared, so I had to hold her hands sliding down, but after the third time, she was brave enough to go by herself. And she didn't want to stop, nor did her brother. Yang letih nye mommy le, coz I still had to go down and helped her with her float to drag it up the slope. I was telling myself, at least that would be my exercise for the day. After about one and a half hours tubing, we decided to call it a day. Tu pun coz my daughter had gotten her socks wet, if not God knows when we would stop.

We had lunch at the cafe. It was just a simple lunch, ordered fries and clam roll. Other Malaysians siap bawak nasi lemak, mee goreng , keropok and what not. I could not bring myself to wake up at 4 to cook and clean and to get the kids ready for the trip. So hubby dearie suggested ordering pizza the night before and reheat in the morning. Boy, I love him!!!

After lunch (well, if you can call fries and clam roll lunch, by the Malaysian standard), we checked in at the hotel. Rested for a bit. my body was starting to feel sore after all the climbing and pushing and tubing. Then we decided to walk around town. It was a really quiet town and a few shops opened. Most shops close at 2 pm!!! Found a gelato shop and gosh!! it was delicious..and the owner recommended lemon cake that she baked herself. It was truly out-of-this-world!!! Rugi pulak order satu jer...

We went back to the hotel just in time for the dinner and games organized by the club's committee. The kids had fun, dancing and running around. I wonder where they got their energy, I mean they woke up early, traveled for three hours, tubing and then they still have tons of energy to run around!!! A little after nine, we went back to our room and my hubby immediately knocked out! First time skiing la katakan...I couldn't sleep the whole night. It has been a habit of mine where I would have trouble sleeping at a new place. Plus with my hubby's snoring, it was not a good night for me.

The next morning, we had breakfast and then before going back to the city, we made a stop. At the outlet!!!! It was my first time there and gosh, my eyes grew bigger and bigger seeing all the designer shops...pity we didn't have enough time to go into each and every one of them. But still managed to buy one handbag and one sling bag. Hubby bought some work clothes and kids got some shoes and clothes. Come to think of it, hubby got the most stuff..mana aci!!!! But for people who had been to other outlets, this outlet is really small. You mean others are much bigger??? Wow...hopefully I would be at the bigger outlets soon!!!!

After lunch, we headed home. Almost everyone slept throughout the journey except for moi..another habit of mine..can't sleep while travelling. So add that to the sleepless night before, I was really tired. Got home around 7 pm, decided to tired to cook so it was maggi for everyone!!! By 10, I was so happy to be in my own bed and try not to think of having to wake early tomorrow..was thinking the kids could skip school esok..apa punya mak la..(they did go after all, they have all the energy in the world, remember?)

All in all, it was a great trip, was glad to see the countryside and enjoy the peaceful surrounding..now back to our world, where everyone is honking and beeping...

serenity is priceless...

have to be motivated to stay motivated

Today, I am feeling super duper depressed...well, have been feeling like this on and off for quite some time..and I am trying hard to stay positive. I am thankful with what I have now, a great hubby, two wonderful healthy kids, great family and friends. But I am feeling like I have to do something more with my life...I am trying to write and to be a writer but I am just so lazy sometimes to do anything about it and I know NO ONE CAN HELP ME EXCEPT MYSELF on that matter. I have written bits and pieces here and there but nothing substantial..I am feeling so lost. Over here, I have nobody to talk too, except for hubby and I don't want to be bothering him with my problems so much..besides I need somebody different that I could talk too. God knows how lonely I am feeling right now...

I am trying to stay positive..I remember helping a blind woman not long ago to cross the street. She was going to the UPS store and all she had was a dog to lead the way and she seemed to be happy. God knows what she went through but if she can be outside and finding her way around, I am pretty sure I could do much more right? But sometimes I tend to forget things like that, I mean to look around and see that other people are in much more difficult situations and they managed to survive. I saw a video about this guy who doesn't have any arms and legs, and he said it is not easy not to be bitter about life but he decided not to be bitter, just to be better. I really admire his courage, he has only limbs but he does try to do normal things like normal people and I think he is doing a good job at it.

The feeling of being lost and lonely is bugging me right now and I don't know how to deal with it. I pray to God that he would show me the way as only He knows what is best for me. But I also have to do my part by staying positive and try my hardest to achieve what I want, whatever that maybe.

Nothing is what it seems...

freezing...

Today, the building management decided to do maintainance on the heating system, so no heater from 5 am till 6 pm. They must be out of their mind!!! It is not as cold as last week but being on the 17th floor and outside's temperature being 8C and I am sure it is colder up here, it is freezing!!! Now I am in the kitchen, the warmest place in the house, plus I am cooking now so that makes it even warmer!!! My first attempt making masak lemak daging..yep, I am 35 and married for ten years, and this IS my first time cooking that dish. Wanted to put cili padi but my kids will be complaining that it is too spicy, so mommy and papa have to sacrifice la...

Back to the freezing woman here...I am now wearing socks, long sleeve t-shirt, sweatpants and a cardigan....and wanted to wear gloves but then, I can't type with gloves on. I still don't know how some people can text on their phone with gloves on...I can't even press one single button let alone typing messages...that is one skill I am yet to learn and conquer...

I hope this service work ends before 6 pm, seriously, I am still not comprehending why they have to do it now, they could wait until it is a lot more warmer..but then again, this year, the winter seems to be overstaying..it is already middle of March and we still need our winter coats plus layers of clothing to go out...

Keeping warm....

Brothers and Sisters..

I really like to watch the Brothers and Sisters series..somehow it reminds me of my own family, five siblings and a mom. Even though we don't have all the drama of finding out that the dad had an affair (thank God for that!) and we don't really "fight" every time we meet up, the dynamics of a good family is what what we have in common with the Walkers. My siblings and I, we are really close and when my mom had her breast cancer operation, we got even closer. The hardship and misery that we went through has shown me how grateful I am to have such great siblings. My brother who is two years younger realised that he now takes over the role of being the man of the house when our dad passed away and I am proud to say that he is doing it very well indeed. Even though sometimes I worried that he was busy taking care of everyone that he forgets to take care of himself. My other brother, eight years younger, is an ''arty person, the best way to describe him. He is still "searching" for his true self..at least that's what I think he is doing..but he really carried out his responsibility in helping out in caring for our mom. Even though sometime I would have to remind him to cut down on his jamming sessions and spend more time with our mom, he is a good kid. My two younger sisters, are much more matured than their real age. I guess that came from the experience of growing up without a dad (our dad passed away when they were five and three years old) and the boarding school life they had since they were thirteen. It is particularly hard to see my sisters going through the process of healing after our mom passed away, as they were the closest to her. My mom really made sure that they were protected and taught the best way she knew how and they have indeed grown up to be two wonderful young women.

I was "spring cleaning" my phone where I came across all sms I got from my siblings during the time when my mom was sick. The messages were about various things like the medicines we should pick up from the hospital, or the time for chemo and who was going with my mom, and endless of "kirim" food sms to who was going to the hospital canteen (which serves delicious asam pedas and sambal belacan) and the simple messages of saying thank you and "I love you". For us, saying "I love you" is a must thing that we do every time we talk to each other, thanks to our mom who insisted that we need to tell that to the people we love every time we have the chance.

When our mom passed away, we worked together to figure out how to sort things out - to bring the "jenazah" back to our home town, to do the tahlil, to take care of our house and also the details of how to handle the "harta peninggalan'. Alhamdulillah, so far, we don't argue about the money or land my mother had, we always decided to share it equally among us. I know of some siblings who don't see eye to eye when it comes to this.

Now, even though I am so far away from them and I miss them terribly, I know that they are there for me and me for them, because now, with both our dad and mom gone, what we have is each other. My mom asked me to promise her before she passed away to take care of my siblings. I know as the eldest, that is my responsibility and I did promise her and I do intend to carry out that promise the best way I know how...Insya Allah.

Don't be bitter, be better...

Share-a-cab...

Yesterday, the cab-sharing system was introduced in Manhattan. The cab becomes like a mini-mini-mini bus where four strangers can share on a cab on designated routes. So far there are three share-a-cab stops. It is done so that passengers would be paying less and the cab drivers could get more (the rate for now is $4 per person). The question for me is, is it safe? What if the person whom you are sharing with is a psycho? People would argue there would be psychos on the bus or train or any public transportation anyway, (psychos are apparently everywhere now). But a cab is a cab and it is small, so to my believe the danger is greater. Plus, you might be sitting in between two strangers who might do things to you or even have bad odour, and with the car window shut (especially during winter, who would want the freezing wind?), you would be in misery. I'd say, just take the bus or subway, or if you are on a diet, just walk. Maybe if you are in a desperate need and have not enough money to pay for the cab-ride, you could try sharing one but you would still have to wait for three other passengers to fill-up the cab. Come to think of it, Malaysia, in particular Kelantan, has implemented this a long time ago and is still being practised. It is known as the "prebet sapu". I still remembered I desperately had to go back to my hostel in Kerteh and all the bus tickets were sold out so my dad chartered a "prebet sapu" car and sternly warned the driver not to pick up any other passengers along the way. Luckily he didn't but then I still didn't relax during the six-hour journey. It was just me and the driver..I had to keep my eyes open..anything could happen but thank God, I arrived safe and sound at my hostel. Anyway, I wish this new system good luck because so far, the response is not really good. Maybe it is to early to tell, so we'll see whether this idea of sharing a ride with strangers would catch fire with the New Yorkers.

Bringing your kid to work...

Two days ago, a shocking story broke out. A guy brought his nine-year-old kid to work and the boy got to do his dad's job. What was the dad's job? Air traffic controller!!! The boy literally gave instructions to the pilots flying the planes (with specific guidance from his dad, of course). But was that a wise thing to do? Nothing bad happened but what if something did happen? The guy's supervisor was so cool about it that the dad brought his other kid to work the next day, the boy's twin (it was the mid-winter break, maybe they don't have a sitter or maybe the dad just wanted to let his kids see how he does his job). However, now the dad is suspended as well as the cool supervisor. And now, the twins are reported to be upset because they feel it was their fault that their dad got into trouble. Now the all-seemingly fun and harmless thing to do with your kids has turned into a nightmare for the family. With record like that plus the increasing number of unemployment nowadays, I wonder whether the dad would get a job soon enough to feed his family, if he gets fired. I heard the recording on the news, the boy spoke clearly and confidently and the pilots receiving the instructions from him were amused. But this meant putting the lives of thousand of people on the plane in jeopardy. Some people defended the dad, saying that he just meant to bring his kids to work. But they say that because nothing terrible happened. What if the kid got something mixed up and even though I don't know how this air traffic controlling thing really works, I assume it would just take seconds for something to go wrong over a tiny small misinformation, of the coordinates or the plane's flight number or what not, and things would really messy. So, the moral of the story is..by all means, bring your kids to work but don't let them do your work unless you work as the coloring-with-crayon guy at your office.

Thank you????

Today, I went to the post office to send something to a friend which was long overdue. As I walked out, someone was behind me. Seeing that his hands were holding bags, I held the door for him. He just walked out, without looking at me, much less saying thank you!!! How rude!!!! But then, as I constantly remind myself never to judge people (which is not easy), I told myself, maybe he is in a hurry (but he was walking at a normal pace) or maybe he is having a problem (but his face wasn't showing any sign of distress) or maybe his thoughts were somewhere else that he didn't see this short woman holding the door for him. I was sincere in holding the door for him but hey..a thank you or even a nod and a smile wouldn't cost him anything right? Anyway, as I said before, maybe he was "somewhere else" or maybe he is just plain rude...I know..I know..don't judge...but it is not easy okay...

Sincerity is the finest way of communication...

AVATAR..

At last I got to watch Avatar, and it was in 3D, in IMAX theatre. It was really worth the 63 bucks my hubby had to fork out for the four of us. But it nearly didn't happen because my son was adamant that he didn't want to watch the movie that has scary-looking people in it. He was being so stubborn, even though we bribed him with the promise to buy him a SMALL toy later, he still didn't want to go. Since I don't have the luxury of having a nanny to leave him with, he had to come or we had to stay home. My hubby and me even threatened (yes, we were that desperate!!!) not to buy him his LEGO for his 9th birthday or any presents for the next ten years. Guess what he told us "It's okay, I can live with that" and he was screaming on top of his lungs, saying that he didn't want to go. My neighbours might think there was some child being abused in our house!!!!Argh!!!! So we said we'd just go for lunch. Over lunch at a Japanese restaurant (my sons loves the california rolls, so the bribing was still on going), we tried to talk him into going to watch the movie. Of course, he still said no and I told him that we wouldn't be going to Toys-R-Us then, which was nearby. The temptation was too great to resist I think, coz it is after all the biggest toy store in the world!!! So at last he agreed. Phew! My hubby quickly went and bought the tickets, just in case the dear son of ours would change his mind again.

After the movie, I asked him whether he liked it, he said yes. "And were the people scary-looking?", I asked with gritted teeth. "Nope", he said and reminded us of the promise. So off we went to Toys-R-Us to buy his-not-too-small-toy . Well, at the end of the day, everybody got what they wanted, especially my six-year-old daughter, who got to "tumpang" her brother's treat and got her own toy without doing anything! I think it is the most expensive movie outing for us but it was worth it. It is such a great movie but it made me think how greedy and selfish human being can be. Why fix or rather "kacau" something which is not broken and doesn't even belong to you? Do we ever learn from our mistakes?

Peace for all....

I feel her pain..

One of my dearest friends lost her husband to cancer yesterday. My heart goes out to her, I know how it feels to lose someone close to you to the deadly disease. Even though we lost different people to different type of cancer, we went through the same roller coaster ride, the ups and downs, the hopes restored and then being dashed again and again. When my mom told me that she had cancer, everything changed. Things were never the same again. She went for the operation and went through chemo and radiotherapy and other types of therapy. Seeing her went through all that just broke my heart. Sometimes I wished I could just trade places with her. All I could do was to make anything and everything easier for her and took care of her the best way I knew how. Life was very grim and to find a little light somehow was very hard. I knew my friend went through the same thing, taking care of her husband. The frustrations when the doctors told us that the cancer came back or had spread or the tumor grew, all the bad news felt too much to bear. The countless trips to the hospital, various medicines to be taken were too much for me, what more for my mother. On the few last days of her life, she was in such an uncomfortable state, she had to wear diapers because she was too weak to go to the toilet, she couldn't eat (appetite was non-existent), her back hurt as she couldn't change her position on the bed and her breathing was really really bad as her lungs were basically being eaten away by the cancer cells. I prayed to God to give the best for her even if it meant taking her life away. I couldn't bear to see my mother suffer anymore. God took her a few days later and I felt as if my life ended there. My mother is no longer here. But I know that she will always be in my heart. One thing that I think is good is that I got to spend time with her and asked for forgiveness and told her that I love her. That was what I told my friend that we got all those times to do what we wanted to do or say because we knew the time we had with them was limited and it was a very precious time indeed. I really hope my friend has the strength and is given the tranquility to be in this very trying time of her life...

May God bless their souls...

Someone is out there

Today I got my first comment..I know I said I don't care if no one reads my blog, I'd still be writing. Well, if someone does read me, then it is a plus point....Yipee!!!! Thank you for making my day a better one. Well, sometimes it doesn't take much to make me happy. A simple nice gesture or simply a smile can brighten up my day and I am sure, others too. Actually, small honest gestures, done frequently, are much more effective than one big one, once in a blue moon. Valentine's day coming up where everyone is showing their love. But it shouldn't be a once-a-year thingy. It should be done everyday and I don't mean showering your loved ones with flowers and chocs every single day (even though I don't really mind that, but then, chocs everyday = bigger butt???), just little things like saying I love you and thank you. I know everyone knows this but I think everyone needs to be reminded once in a while, including your truly....

Smile and say cheese...

I gotta a feeling...

I have been having this bad feeling for the past three days, my heart is pounding. Somewhere back in my mind, I know that something is unsettled. Yesterday, I had a dentist's appointment, well, that could have contributed to the bad feeling, who likes to go to the dentist anyway, right? That is done (with some degree of pain involved, of course!) but the bad feeling continues today...on Monday, my son twisted his ankle during dance class, maybe he was dancing really hard to impress somebody but it was just a slight sprain so he is okay now. My husband's account got "robbed" by someone who somehow got hold of his account details, and maybe made a fake copy of his credit card and have been happily swiping it away at the stores!!!! Damn you who is doing this!!!! and lat night I got another shocking news from someone, so shocking that when I woke up this morning, I was wishing really hard that it was just a bad dream...but sadly, it isn't. I had that feeling before, wishing that it isn't real. That was when my mom told me that she had breast cancer. She had operation but since hers was already at stage four, chemo and other treatments didn't really do much to cure her. Every morning I woke up, hoping that I was only in a long nightmare and it would be gone once the morning came. Time was hard for me but it was even harder for my mom, obviously. She was tough, she has always been tough and I really admire that. Ok, that story would have to be in another post. As for now, I still have that bad feeling and hopefully it would go away soon because I don't know how to handle this pounding heart of mine....

Life is a battlefield...

baby steps...

Today, I started writing the plot for my book but somehow I am still doubting whether this is what I am supposed to be doing. Why I started today? Because yesterday hubby came back with a brand new folder for new with a thick stack of paper, so no more excuses!!! But as I started the plot, not only it became "so-out-of-focus", I think it became another storyline altogether. But I read somewhere that even if it happens, just carry on. You can go back to it later to edit. Just let the thoughts flow, don't worry about the grammar, sentence structure and all that stuff yet. ok, I am making baby steps now and nothing should get in my way including the anger from getting that annoying phone call from that annoying woman earlier..

Carry on...

what am i doing here?

today, i got a call from a lady whom i barely knew and she started rambling about how miserable her life is and she is not happy with everything around her. I just sat there and listened, but i felt that i was in a nightmare, listening to her..and could not get out of it!!!!!! she went on and on and on...seriously, suck it up woman..other people have more serious problem than yours (her first problem was that she didn't like the new stove that her landlord gave her!!!!). Come on!!!!! I didn't talk much or ask her many questions, hoping that she would take the hint and stop. Gosh, she is really densed!!!! She went on for nearly 50 minutes!!!! And I only met her for maybe four times!!! We aren't exactly buddies. She also told me that she made a sacrifice coming here, following her husband for his posting. well, that I can understand because I am also making that sacrifice but I just kept it to myself. I know I am cruel but she is not the type of friends that I usually have. Well, maybe in the future, in another blog, she might be my best friend already (never say never) but as for know, I am trying a keep a distance from her....

Leave me alone....

First playdate and a lifetime date..

My daughter had her first playdate yesterday ad she had a lot of fun that she didn't want to leave. I came along because since it was her first playdate, I thought I should be there. I was wrong, she had so much fun she didn't need me for anything!!! But it was also good for me as I had the chance to talk to another adult, apart from my husband, about a lot of things. And the girl's mom was so nice and gave me a lot of tips on how to survive New York. We also talked about how we feel that sometimes our husbands are doing enough in terms of helping out with the housework. And the fact that things would changed more dramatically for us, compared for our husbands. when we have kids. Mommies are usually the "bad cops", making sure everybody does everything according to schedules and dads are the "cool guys" who take things easy..way too easy, if you ask me. Still, I am thankful that I have a good husband who is responsible and loves his family. Sure he has his bad habits, but who doesn't? At least his bad habits doesn't include horrible things like drugs, gambling, philadering, smuggling money or being involved in the mafia or something like that! So if you ask me, I don't mind going on a lifetime date with my hubby!

Forever love...

what a smart boy..

Yesterday, I went along on a trip with my son's class to the Museum of New York City. He has been asking for the last few trips for me to volunteer as a chaperone, helping the teacher to handle all the, I should say, always energetic and always-yapping-away kids. So yesterday I agreed to volunteer, along with a few mothers and I glad I made that decision. Not only I made some new friends, I also learned a bit about New York's city planning. The highlight of the day was when my son gave some clever ideas and comments during the discussion with the Museum guide. One of the moms even told him that he is such a smart boy. I am so proud of him and truthfully speaking, I didn't expect such clever ideas would come from him. Not that I am underestimating my own son, but for a eight-year-old boy to come up with those kind of ideas regarding town planning, it was a surprise. I know I wouldn't be able to do that when I was eight! I guess kids never cease to amaze us and what they learn from school or their surroundings are vital to their growth, both emotionally and mentally. Sometimes their take on life is different from us where it is a much more simpler tlife and sometimes it wouldn't hurt for us to see the world from our kids' eyes. For them as long as they have friends, love from everyone around them and toys, of course, they are happy. Not too say that life is that simple, but how I wish sometimes it is.

Smile...

what to write today????

I was reading other people's blogs and was (still am actually) jealous of their wonderful and exciting writing. Not only that, their blogs are sssooo colourful and cute, with pictures, links etc..etc..I am still trying to figure out how to download templates, backgrounds, headers and what not. Have to be patient and have perseverance. Now am clueless of what to write...hm..ok, my daughter is sick today so she stays at home. She was crying this morning because she WANTS to go to school..yep, that's her..ever ethusiastic when it comes to school. She is six so I guess school is a fun and happy place, with friends and colourful books and little homework..not like when you are in middle or high school or college for that matter,where books are full of words and well, also with pictures, but boring ones ad homework that will take you a lifetime to finish!!!! I hope that she will be as enthusiastic about school later in the future as she is now.

I was contemplating of doing my masters but when I remember all the reading and doing endless assignments that I went through for my degree, I don't think that is a wise decision. I know that it is a good investment but it is just not for me (at least not for now..never say never right?..). I still have nightmares of not studying for my tests, somehow the dreams were always about math tests. I was, well. ok have to admit that stilll am terrible at Math, and I always have these dreams that the math teacher had gone AWOL for a long time and suddenly we have a test! I would be sweating and freaking out. Such bless when I woke up and realised that it was just a dream and smile broadly knowing I don't have to go through that again! No more tests, exams, all those unsettling feeling when you leave your homework to the last minute (did that a lot!).

Ok, so now I am going to try and decorate my blog..

Wonderful life..

Couscous

Today, I went to a demonstration on how to cook couscous. At first, I wasn't really keen of going since I had tasted couscous before and didn't really like it. But by the end of the day, I was glad I went because this particular couscous, cooked by an excellent Moroccan cook, was DELICIOUS. Plus she used veal..any red meat is fine with me. The meat was so tender, the vegetables were perfect and the the taste was just exquisite. I guess giving something a second chance is not so bad at all. Some things and some people do deserve a second chance.First impression is important indeed but if it is not up to your expectation, it doesn't mean it should just end there. I am new in NY so I do meet a lot of new people everyday, trying to make new friends. Some people don't really make great first impressions but maybe it is because they are shy and not because they are arrogant. Come to think of it, there are times when I gave bad first impressions, not because I was arrogant ( I like to think of myself as a very nice person), but because I was shy or because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning! So I think everybody deserves a second chance including couscous...

Love all around....

First time...

This is my first time blogging ever since I arrived in the Big Apple...and to make a fresh start I created a new blog. Am not really sure what I am going to blog about so I guess going with the flow is the best option for me now. My dream to be a writer is still a dream (so far..). Who knows NYC could make my dream come true..I know I have to make my dream come true so I was just speaking metaphorically..

The title "write away" actually is a reminder to myself that I should do something about my dream to be a writer RIGHT AWAY, RIGHT NOW because I have been procrastinating for quite a while..so here I am writing away...no more excuses of :

a) not having enough time (people would tell me "You have all the time in the world..you are a stay-at-home!"...well, it is not as easy as it sounds..I am sure many would agree with me if anybody would ever read my blog..which brings us to my second excuse..)

b) nobody would read me and I would be feeling insignificant and foolish and eventually would give up..but then, if there are people who reads this blog of mine, they would be..(on to my third excuse..)

c) thinking that I am a bad and terrible blogger who doesn't know what she is doing and they would be so bored reading my blog that they would stop reading it, which brings us to my second point!

Okay, so now no more of those excuses and this is my new point-of-view..(and since it is the second week of January, my new year resolution is still fresh..)...EVEN THOUGH I REALLY DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH SPARE TIME AS PEOPLE WOULD THINK BEING A HOMEMAKER, I WILL BE MAKING TIME TO BLOG AND EVEN IF NO ONE WOULD READ ME OR THEY STOPPED READING AFTER DECIDING THAT MY BLOG IS RUBBISH, I WILL STILL BE WRITING AWAY BECAUSE I WANT TO...

P/S: One thing bugging me right now, the "N" button on my keypad is not functioning very well..(not an excuse to stop blogging, just an excuse to get a new laptop!!!)

Peace...